Grief seems to come in many different forms and is never easy no mater what the source of the grief. Grief is the result of loss, emotional suffering from losing someone or something that is important to you. It could be the result of losing someone you love, losing a job or career, the home you grew up in or you’re home now, the loss of financial security, a pet, your health or the health of someone close to you, or even the loss of a cherished dream.
Empty Nest Syndrome is a term for the feelings of depression, sadness, loneliness and loss of purpose parents feel when their children leave home. There doesn’t seem to be a term to explain the same feelings when you lose a parent or parents to a disease such as Alzheimer’s. I feel that with the growing number of adult children taking care of their parents there will eventually be a term for this as well.
Many people in the more advanced stages of Alzheimer’s are here physically and not as much mentally as they were before the onset of the disease. Speaking from my own experience with my Mom, she is stronger physically, due to walking constantly. Mom use to spend her days sitting in the chair while looking out the window, watching T.V., or talking on the phone. Now though she can’t sit still for more than a minute before she is up and walking. She has lost weight and has firmed up her muscles due to the walking all day and part of the night. Mentally though, Mom can not carry a conversation with you, most of the time only a one word answer to whatever question you may ask and her memory changes from one day to the next.
This is where grief comes in for me, Mom use to always have something to talk about, not that she talked too much. She could carry a conversation even though you didn’t have anything to talk about yourself. I use to call her when ever I just wanted to connect with someone. She never seemed to mind and I never seem to be interrupting her, even if I was. I could call anytime night or day. Listening to her talk or talking with her would give me the connection I wanted, and even though I connected with others it was different than connecting with my mom.
One of the hard parts about this disease is that your loved one is here physically but mentally a different person and sometimes completely different than what they were. It plays tricks with your mind and feelings, because you see them and expect the person you know and love and they are not the same. This makes the grieving process continue constantly. Instead of going through the phases of grief that you would have if it was a death or a final moment of loss.
Each one of us grieves differently due to our back grounds, personality, faith and our perspective on life. There is no time table on grief or the healing of grief, it is important to allow yourself times to express your feelings. It helps with the process to have someone to go through it with you, that you can talk to and that will allow you to express what you are feeling with out being critical. This is where you can develop or strengthen a connection with a family member, friend or even a life coach. Remember not to isolate yourself during this time, allow others to be there for you, it helps them and you. Grief seems to come in many different forms and is never easy no mater what the source of the grief. Grief is the result of loss, emotional suffering from losing someone or something that is important to you. It could be the result of losing someone you love, losing a job or career, the home you grew up in or you’re home now, the loss of financial security, a pet, your health or the health of someone close to you, or even the loss of a cherished dream.
Empty Nest Syndrome is a term for the feelings of depression, sadness, loneliness and loss of purpose parents feel when their children leave home. There doesn’t seem to be a term to explain the same feelings when you lose a parent or parents to a disease such as Alzheimer’s. I feel that with the growing number of adult children taking care of their parents there will eventually be a term for this as well.
Many people in the more advanced stages of Alzheimer’s are here physically and not as much mentally as they were before the onset of the disease. Speaking from my own experience with my Mom, she is stronger physically, due to walking constantly. Mom use to spend her days sitting in the chair while looking out the window, watching T.V., or talking on the phone. Now though she can’t sit still for more than a minute before she is up and walking. She has lost weight and has firmed up her muscles due to the walking all day and part of the night. Mentally though, Mom can not carry a conversation with you, most of the time only a one word answer to whatever question you may ask and her memory changes from one day to the next.
This is where grief comes in for me, Mom use to always have something to talk about, not that she talked too much. She could carry a conversation even though you didn’t have anything to talk about yourself. I use to call her when ever I just wanted to connect with someone. She never seemed to mind and I never seem to be interrupting her, even if I was. I could call anytime night or day. Listening to her talk or talking with her would give me the connection I wanted, and even though I connected with others it was different than connecting with my mom.
One of the hard parts about this disease is that your loved one is here physically but mentally a different person and sometimes completely different than what they were. It plays tricks with your mind and feelings, because you see them and expect the person you know and love and they are not the same. This makes the grieving process continue constantly. Instead of going through the phases of grief that you would have if it was a death or a final moment of loss.
Each one of us grieves differently due to our back grounds, personality, faith and our perspective on life. There is no time table on grief or the healing of grief, it is important to allow yourself times to express your feelings. It helps with the process to have someone to go through it with you, that you can talk to and that will allow you to express what you are feeling with out being critical. This is where you can develop or strengthen a connection with a family member, friend or even a life coach. Remember not to isolate yourself during this time, allow others to be there for you, it helps them and you.