When my adoptive mom, Jewell, died in 1982 I was devastated and grief-stricken. The loss of my dad four years earlier had been traumatic, but I had my mom to take care of and we grieved together. With her passing, the full impact of losing them both hit me. I felt absolutely alone in the world, with no safe-haven where I would be loved, protected and taken in no matter what. I was fortunate to have Diane, who became my wife one year later, for help, support and comfort.
Ten years passed before I began to consider search and reunion. One of my first thoughts was, if I find her and we have a relationship, I will have to experience that kind of grief again. Why would I choose that? During the next couple of years, I attended monthly General Support and Discussions Meetings at Adoption Network Cleveland, and participated in an Adoptee Only support group. Talking with, and listening to people who understood helped me realize that I had been grieving for the loss of Margaret my whole life. There was nothing to lose by waiting except the possibility of joy, love, and healing. I found Margaret in 1994 and we reunited on my 48th birthday.
At 3:40 PM, January 20th, 2012, Margaret passed away with her children, grandchildren and several great-grandchildren at her bedside. We wept for her, for ourselves, and for each other. We made promises aloud and silently. We held each other, and felt the swirling emotions of devastating loss and unconditional love. I thought about my two moms, Margaret and Jewell, and my fears about this moment. During my last few hours with Margaret I had talked to her, hoping that through the fog of coma she would hear me. I thanked her for my life and her courage; for our reunion that allowed us to be together on this, her last night. Jewell would be glad for us, and proud of me.
Yes, the grief, sorrow and tears are familiar. The difference is that this time, instead of the emptiness and loneliness of the past, there are many safe havens; people who love me and will take me in no matter what. For the second time, Diane has helped hold me together as the mourning unfolds. I have my loving sister and brothers, nieces and nephew, aunt and uncles who understand, and my sons, who miss their Granny.
When you are ready to create connection, belonging and joy, call me for a free no-obligation sample session. Together we can begin to write your own unique story.