Are you committed or settling?

Are you committed to your relationship or are you just settling? There is a distinct difference between the two. Many of you right now are in miserable relationships and think that you are committed to that person when indeed you are just settling.

The main reasons that I hear about are:
— to save face and not feel embarrassed that your marriage or relationship has failed because you were told early on that person is not right for you
— because you are financially dependent on that person
— because of the children
— you don’t want to be alone
— you “love” them

None of those reasons listed should define your “status” of being in a relationship that is miserable. All relationships will have its ups and downs. However, being miserable, disrespected or abused should cause you great alarm.

If someone told you that person wasn’t right for you maybe they had their own agenda. Or they may have seen the signs that you overlooked because you were focused on the butterflies that you felt when you were with this person or the great sex that you couldn’t think clearly. Things that the person on the outside looking in does not experience. You have to realize that it does not matter who is right or wrong but that you are in control of your decisions and can admit to YOURSELF that you made a mistake without explanation to anyone– then fix it.

If you are financially dependent then this one is simple– how much is your peace of mind worth? How much can anyone buy your happiness for?

If you have children with someone then you both should be actively working on creating a healthy example of what a relationship looks like. If you both aren’t actively working on the relationship then what are you really showing your children. No issues should even be seen by the children but things happen and tempers and emotions flare so if your children see this happening constantly without resolution then it negatively affects them. They have to know that there may be conflict but look how we work to resolve it– otherwise they believe conflict without resolution is normal.

If you do not want to be alone– I wonder how connected or together are you with someone if you are are in constant turmoil? If you are not mentally and emotionally connected then you are still alone with the exception of someone being there in the physical being. Having sex with someone does not mean you are not alone– anyone whose had a one night stand knows this. Sex is the bonus connection of the relationship that is fed by the emotional connection that translates to making love. If your idea of not being alone means that you are okay with constant arguing then you need to address that.

If you love someone– shouldn’t they love you back– enough to realize your unhappiness and put in the effort to make things better? Loves summates all of your issues and means that together 1+1 you are working towards the betterment of the relationship– because 1+0 just leaves you– so unless you love yourself first things still won’t work out.

It’s time for you to put on your big girl panties and your big man briefs and stop waiting for someone else to determine the future of your relationship. It’s a part of the “what you want to do, well what do you want to do?” Or “you leave, no I’m not going anywhere, you leave”, cycle where you both go back and forth with no resolution– then it’s back to the same miserable situation. You need to define your belief is about what a relationship should be and decide if yours is living up to its potential. If it’s not then you should be communicating that to your partner. If they are not willing to acknowledge the need for change so that together you work on making things better, then you have a big decision to make. As always, the choice is yours.

Jamillah Foulkes~Empower U

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Get back on track…become the CONDUCTOR

I cannot stress to you how important it is for you to research what it is that you want to achieve, then make a plan on how to achieve it.

Step one: Put the steps of your plan on individual sheets of paper.
Step two: Pull out one of those sheets, then start to work on that one process.
Step three: You are already further into the process than you ever thought you would be.
Step four: Once you are done with one sheet pull out the next sheet of paper, then work on it.

Before you know it, you will start finishing sheets faster because you will start to see progress. You may be able to knock out more than one sheet and you will start to see your momentum build as things start coming together. The key is that you aren’t looking at it in is entirety, becoming overwhelmed or looking at it as impossible. You are moving step by step at your own pace– but you are moving.

It’s not about where you are from or what you were born into– it’s about your desire and passion to define who you truly are and what you want to achieve. We ask children what they want to be when they grow up. We know they may change their minds but it’s about getting their thought process started. It’s about building their confidence and shaping their minds so that they believe that they can achieve anything they want. No one tells them that they can’t be who they want to be, therefore when they answer, they are confident knowing that is what they WILL achieve. It is only as we grow up that we start to question our capabilities, we start looking around at what others are doing and saying. We get discouraged when we start to hit road blocks and obstacles. We start the negative self talk telling ourselves that we cannot achieve our dreams. Guess what happens next– We don’t end up achieving our dreams.

No matter what you are born into or where you are from– you were that little kid with dreams and aspirations. You let your environment, life choices and failures derail you from your success. You have to get yourself back on track— not as a passenger but as the CONDUCTOR of your life!!! As always, the choice is yours.

Jamillah Foulkes~Empower U

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Find your purpose

People ask me– why do I care so much about how successful someone else becomes? Why does it matter to me if someone chooses not to live up to their potential? Why do I care if someone is not motivated about their life?

I care because I know how it feels to think that you are less than or not worth much. I know how hopeless it gets when you feel like no matter how much good you do– you will never achieve much. I know how it feels when your past failures cloud your vision for a better future. I know what it feels like to self medicate in order to numb all the pain. I know how it feels when the burden and the pain gets to be too much that you rather end it all.

I care because I know we all have our purpose in life in order for the world to remain in motion. Everyone is not supposed to be a doctor, lawyer, garbage man, flight attendant, police officer, teacher, preacher, school bus driver, accountant or even funeral director. Everyone has their individual specific purpose in life to keep things moving but none of that will happen unless you figure out what makes you happy and what your purpose is, therefore— THIS is my purpose.

I ask you to find your purpose and go get it!!!

As always, the choice is yours.

Jamillah Foulkes~ Empower U

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When someone tells you “No”

Whenever you ask for help and someone says “no” that should be like fuel to your soul to motivate you to succeed. I’m not talking about monetary or financial help– you should never get mad at what someone chooses to do or not do with THEIR money. They may have knowledge, information, resources or an outlet that can help you get better at your craft or network yet they have no desire to help you succeed. Silence is also a “no” it’s actually louder than the person that told you “no” because they will not even acknowledge where you are and what you are trying to achieve. You have to let all the “NOs” become part of your motivation. You have to tell yourself that despite the fact that they do not believe in you, YOU WILL succeed.

Do not get caught up in the “why”. Do not try to figure out how they could be so Christian yet they are acting so unchristian like. It’s not up to you to figure out where their mind is at this point of their journey. Regardless this is not the time for you to get salty with that person or have an attitude. This is where you smile because you now have confirmation that you are actually closer to your dream than you thought and that person might just be afraid that you are catching up. It could be for various reasons. If it is true that they will not help because of their lack of belief in you— it doesn’t matter. You push through and you keep working and moving forward. YOU WILL succeed.

That one “YES” is going to come. When that day comes and the people that once told you “NO” or ignored you with their silence start asking YOU for help… Well I’m not going to tell you what to do– that will be up to you. Whatever you choose to do, just make sure you do it with a clear mind and heart so that you do not block your blessings.

As always, the choice is yours.

Jamillah Foulkes~Empower U

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You may seek revenge but I ask you– do you want to win the battle or do you want to win the war? If someone does wrong to us or our family, the first thing we think is “I’m going to get them”. So now I ask you this.. What are you trying to prove?
Is it:
— you are not going to mess with me or mine?
— your pride?
— that you are so hurt and disappointed that you can only see red?
— your true belief that the person should pay for their action?

I can tell you my experience is that if someone wronged me and was not remorseful I would try to get them back as fast and as good and hard as I could get them. As I got older I started to see that when I sought revenge something most likely went wrong– they did not always get the full effect of the wrath. When it went right and I got that person really good, I was excited and filled with joy until I discovered that my soul was feeling some kind of way once the excitement wore off. I also learned during the times that I just let things go, stuff started to go wrong for the other person without my help or decline of my soul. It was then that it started to hit me that revenge is not mine and if I waited and was patient enough God handled things the way they needed to handled and at the right moment and time.

This does not mean that you become a pushover. If you need to distance yourself from someone that wronged you then do so. What I’m saying is that whether you believe in God or Karma they are a bitch when they start to work on people with bad behavior and you do not have to do anything but be patient and wait. It may seem like they are winning but in the end, in due time and at the right moment everything falls into place. You do not have to wish bad on anyone or even think it– just be patient. There is a higher power that knows and sees everything.

If I switch it around on YOU, could some of your troubles be due to the wrong that you have caused others some time ago? After all, no one is perfect and everyone has a past. We weren’t always on the right path or followed the rules– just a thought.

If you want to win the battle then do as you please but if you want to win the war just get on your knees.

As always, the choice is yours.

Jamillah Foulkes~Empower U

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Become the CEO of your life

Become the CEO of your life. You and only you, have the power to control and determine how successful you are going to be in your life. It is up to you to take charge and responsibility of your future. You have to be the CEO of your life or else you are just an employee following directions and allowing your feelings of fear or hopelessness to have your future and your families future in its hands.

You have to be accountable for the decisions that you make in your life. You have to strategize and work on how you plan on running your day to day operations. You have to plan out:

– how you are going to work through the obstacles
– what strategy you will use to outwit the negative thoughts roaming around in your head as well as from others.
– what you will do when your feelings try to out power your actions
– how you will invoke change and motivation
– what you will do when you are the only one standing in your corner

CEO is clearly defined below:

A chief executive officer (CEO) has the responsibilities as a director, decision maker, leader, manager and executor. The role can involve the management, decision-making of high-level decisions and strategy, and drives change while presiding over the organization’s day-to-day operations.

As the CEO you determine if you want to be a mom and pop organization or as big as Walmart or Target– but it’s all up to you. Whatever your dream, you can achieve it if you stop acting on emotions and start working on change. Feelings do not change your circumstance but dedication, determination and an unstoppable mindset, makes all the difference. And as always the choice is yours.

Jamillah Foulkes~Empower U

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After all…

After all these years of living. After all these years of disappointment and failure. After all my hurt and pain. After all the maltreatment from others. After all that I have loss. After not seeing a way out. After all the negative talk from myself and others. After all the mistrust. After all my failed relationships. After all the wrong that that I have done to others. After all these years of trying. After all these years of being who I am and thinking as I do– you expect me to change?

You expect me to trust that if I believe in myself and work harder my dreams will come true? Dreams do not come true for people like me.

After you are done with your pity party– get up, get out and go do something. The first step is to change your thought process. And as always, the choice is yours.

Jamillah Foulkes~Empower U

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Believe in yourself

“Feed your faith and your doubts will starve to death… It’s possible. Even when you have no evidence to point to…. It’s possible…”~ Les Brown

Are you tired of feeling tired? Do you pray everyday for the pain to stop or for you to find your way through the storm? Are you feeling like you have no more tears to shed? Are you constantly asking yourself “why me”? The struggle seems never ending with one thing piling on after next.

You cannot crawl into a hole, this is the time for you to dust yourself off and rise to the occasion. Reach out to the people who have achieved their dreams. Remove yourself from the doubters, remove the doubt from your mind. You are not a victim. Believe in yourself and in your ability to change your situation– you must see it within yourself before anyone else will, yet it doesn’t matter what they think if you believe in you.

It will never seem easy but the rough times will pass–but you must believe in you. Start doing research, start reading, start taking risks, start investing in yourself. Start taking the necessary steps to move forward and be prepared to bust through the obstacles. You must keep going, no matter what. If you aim high it will not matter what obstacles you experience at the bottom because that is not where you are headed. If you want it bad enough, you will have no time to focus on the obstacles.

Be a leader, stop being a passenger in your life and become the conductor. And as always, the choice is yours.

Jamillah Foulkes~Empower U

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The happiness within you

When I was 5 years old, my mother always told me that happiness was the key to life. When I went to school, they asked me what I wanted to be when I grew up. I wrote down ‘happy’. They told me I didn’t understand the assignment, and I told them they didn’t understand life. –John Lennon

The answer to your happiness is within you. The feelings you have are human and normal but you are the determining factor of how long you’re going to stay in a funk and state of depression. It is up to you to say:

– I’m not only going to mourn the loss but I will rejoice in the happy memories– I will always love you and I’m going to be sad and miss you dearly but we had a blast and I choose to remember the great times we shared.

– dating is to figure out if someone is right for me, it does not mean that they are bad, they just don’t meet my expectations– I’m happy we broke up before I spent a lifetime of unhappiness.

– I love my child and I have hopes and dreams for them but they have to find their way in life and I can’t connect their life journey to my happiness.

It has been said so often that happiness is a choice. The reason most people are not happy is because of their resistance to that belief. Life is tough and challenging for everyone, filled with hurt, pain and disappointment regardless of what your status is– money cannot even buy you happiness. Money may buy you an easier way of living and way to escape your pain from time to time. Money cannot help you through the loss a loved one, the breakup from your “true love”, or the shame and disappointments in life. It cannot help you work through your issues of an absentee parent or your children making poor choices in their life.

Some people live through their children to find happiness and get disappointed when their children’s idea of happiness does not match their idea of happiness. You want you spouse or partner to make you happy. You look towards your friends to make you happy. You EXPECT your family to be in your corner and make you happy. Their purpose is to be supportive, loving and truthful when you need them and sometimes they are caught up in their own stuff that they cannot be there exactly when you need them.

Everyone has a specific purpose in life. It is up to you to figure out what that means for you. “I don’t know how” is not an answer nor is it an option. You are not a martyr– you are here to fulfill your part in this journey called life. You must do your part. You must not sit idle and be miserable for the remainder of your days or hold others responsible for your recovery. You have to set timelines for everything. That does not mean that you forget, it simply means that you decide to not let life challenges define you or take over your mind and soul with negativity.

Have a relationship with yourself so that you can learn how to make yourself laugh and learn how to cheer yourself up and everyone else will truly be a bonus– then you will really be happy. As always, the choice is yours.

Jamillah Foulkes~Empower U

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To catch a creeper

“I have no special talents. I am only passionately curious.” – Albert Einstein

Just think about the time, effort and dedication that you put into proving that your partner was messing around on you or doing something wrong– that is A LOT of man hours. The more they worked not to get caught meant the harder you had to work and the more invested you became in finding them out. Imagine how successful you would be if all the energy, time and dedication you took to look through your partners phone, monitor who they were interacting with and being the I spy detective and master interrogator was focused on being a better you and achieving your goals. Where would you be if you turned that passion and curiosity towards yourself? How many times have said to yourself “damn I’m good, I should have been a private eye”? If you enjoy that kind of work and you have caught a few creepers– then maybe that’s your field. There is no shame because we all have been there at some point in our life.

That goes to show if you really want something you can get it. It just takes the same dedication you had when you were trying to catch that creeper. When you looked through their phone and saw no incriminating text messages, that was an obstacle but it just made you more determined. Even the stealth skills it took for you to slide on the floor to their side of the bed to retrieve their phone in the first place. So you found no incriminating texts, you then decided to look deeper and check the phone bill to see if the text messages were deleted so that you could *67 the numbers that looked suspect. You asked your partner numerous questions and if the answer did not sound right, you twisted it until they could not keep up with their story, they were exhausted and the truth was revealed. You did not quit– and you did this as your side gig and sometimes worked on it while you were at you job.

The point is, you have the time, dedication and determination to do what you want if you are truly invested in it regardless of the obstacles. You did not take someone’s word for it, you did your research until you were satisfied with the outcome, good or bad.

Turn that same energy, time and determination into a positive thing and make better choices for yourself, working towards your true goals in life regardless of the obstacles. Do not quit, and as always the choice is yours.

Jamillah Foulkes~Empower U

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