Archive | February 2017

Celebrating When Can’t Becomes Can

cheerleader

Sourced from Clker

Today I am celebrating.  It is a cheerleading celebration, the kind where you honor the hard work done by someone else.

What I would really like to do it jump up and down, twirl around in my little happy dance, and clap my hands.  But, not only would that be frowned upon by the object of my pride and adulation, it might even earn me a few not so nice words.  You see, pep talks are ok if solicited, but THIS excitement would cause some huffs, maybe some puffs, and in between eye rolls he might have to actually admit he was enjoying it before trying to blow the house down.

I have been working for over a year with him, on and off, as he feels comfortable.  He is a Veteran, who, in the course of his service to our country overseas was injured.  The lasting effects include Traumatic Brain Injury and Post Traumatic Stress; he was medically discharged and found himself struggling.

When I met him through a mutual friend, he told me repeatedly that he trusted no one, he cared for no one, that nothing ever worked out, and he could not be helped.  “Ok, but I am here if you need me.”  He scoffed, told me he doubted it.

I would check in with him, just to see how he was doing.  He would reply, one word answers at first. Then eventually full replies, even brief conversations.  Then he began to reach out, and I was there.

Turned out that he had these great future plans, he had figured out a pretty in depth map of what he wanted to achieve.  The problem was the gap between the now and then.  Point B had success defined.  Point A, the starting point, included unstable housing and unsteady employment and piling bills.  The steps to take on the path between the two was missing on the map.  For quite a while I heard a lot about how much couldn’t be done, “I can’t do this because…” was a very common sentence in our conversations.

If you have ever been in that sort of situation, and I have, you will know that “Just make the plan” or “Just do it” just doesn’t cut it.  You hear it, you think to yourself that it should be that easy, but you just get stuck.  For some reason you can’t compute, you just spin in circles.  It can be frustrating, stressful, and frightening to see the endpoint and have no idea how to maneuver yourself into position to bring that into fruition.

Together, we began to inventory what was needed for his vision to become reality.  We discussed the skills and resources he has and those he needs to develop; we created priority lists based on what he valued most; we talked about different options to lead to the same outcome.  There were a lot of hard questions presented, and many times when he would not like them, or the mirror he needed to face to answer them I wouldn’t hear back from him for a while. Sometimes he just wanted an easy answer from me.  While I wanted only the best for him, it wasn’t my place to decide.  Only he knew what that was, what that is.

Of all the paths we laid out, today he marched confidently down one.  He chose to attend a trade school, that started today.  Once completed, the school offers Veterans guaranteed employment and the it offers graduates job placement services.  The skills he learns here will provide a comfortable living and will be of use toward his ultimate goal.  And the beautiful part is he chose the trade and researched the schools himself, taking ownership of his success.

So why the celebration today?  Am I proud of this next step in his career?  Abso-freaking-lutely!!  But the absolute best part is when he asked “So after this, what next?”  That shift to possibility thinking, that change in perspective to “I can” is what has me giddy with joy!  Because I know HE CAN!

 

 

Whats Old Is New Again…

IMG_20160702_184513704Have you ever stopped to notice how life can lead you in ever tightening circles until you finally pick up your head to see the flag waving with the “X Marks The Spot” on it?  Some folks are a little quicker on the uptake than I have been.  If there was a defined path, I meandered all over and around, disturbing any sort of breadcrumb trail left to help me out.  I’ve almost always taken the long way, BUT I have finally captured the flag!

“Ok, well, cool.  I guess?  What the heck is she talking about?”  This tendency to coach, to listen and help people work through their problems has been with me for as long as I can remember.  I was the girl who friends came to as the negotiator for lunch table drama in elementary and middle school.  The one who’s house was the sanctuary and, along with my mom, was the ear for all my friends teenage angst over boys, drinking, drugs, sex and the pressure of growing up in general.

In college I studied Chemistry.  To me it was almost like learning a mystical language, I love it.   And in a group of the very technical minded, I became a magnet for long heart to heart discussions about feelings, coping with pressure, relationships and dealing with the repercussions of a suicide of a student on campus.  Some of my closest friends from college came from these discussions.

The pattern continued as I went to work, returned to get my Master’s.  I became a Science Teacher and ended up working with the students that faced bullying, strained home relations, stress of abusive teenage relationships and teen pregnancies.

In the meantime, I have been raising my three beautiful babies.  Their friends have become our “borrowed babies”.  I have worked to provide stability to those children as well, by their choice, dealing with mental illness, learning disabilities, and trust issues.  Gaining their trust by not dictating and actually listening to their point of view and treating them as individuals.

After surviving a sexual assault that ended my teaching career, I began working with race teams to get out of the house.  As my responsibilities grew, I ended up working within the teams using those same talents to manage personality differences, calm nerves pre-race, as well as manage the public relations side.

Opportunities arose to work with different non profit organizations, raising awareness for issues that I believed in.  Because of those ties, I was tapped to help with a Veterans organization. Creating a promotional tour as well as the groundwork for the actual organization.  It was wonderful to work with those who have served our country, to give back to those who promised their all for the rest of us.  I have gone on to work individually with Veterans to help as a check in buddy for PTSD and to help another get through and beyond an abusive relationship and an unemployed Veteran make a plan and get into a training program with a guaranteed job.

This past summer, I joined my friend to bring awareness to mental health issues and inspiration to others by starting a blog at Inspiration In The Field.  Its about hope, moving forward through tough times, and the power of changing perspective.

My work with the Coach Training Alliance was the step to formalize the services that I have provided all along the way.  So, while Weeds and Wildflowers begins its business in 2017, I have been doing this type of work for a long while now.

Blessings to you all!