Tag Archive | possibility thinking

Of Mountains and Mole Hills

Apr20

Sourced from Pinterest

One of the greatest joys, and the biggest stumbling blocks, of life is that it is ever changing.  And, truly, thank goodness.    Imagine being stuck, like Bill Murray, in a “Groundhog Day” loop of your worst day over and over.  Or even how stale that greatest day would be if nothing ever changed.

Change is often uncomfortable.  Especially when it comes at us quickly, is unplanned, or comes in multiple ways all at once.  And the stress of adapting to change can affect us in ways that we don’t immediately recognize.

This happens to me sometimes, when my mole hills suddenly become mountains.  Things that I would normally easily be able to do a quick pro/con analysis of and decide on a course of action become a 3 day slog of indecision.  My best friend calls those times my “squiggles”, when my normally free flowy line of thinking gets all kinked and knotted in and about itself.  Its like I dig for the sparkle, the silver lining, and instead find myself tangled up in the tinsel, the more I try to free myself the tighter it becomes.

I have recently been dealing with migraine issues, which have put quite a kink in my well laid plans, upping that stress level. Doctors visits and time in the ER were not how I had thought to spend my spring break, but such is life, right? (Silver lining today is that I was able to geek it out a bit with a Chem teacher picture of a mole on my blog!  Any former student of mine will know exactly how big of a smile that just put on my face 🙂 ) Dealing with pain, a (new) medical diagnosis or a medical puzzle, changes in job status, family transitions, financial pinches, and/or moving (or even just the thought of doing so) can cause an upheaval that one may not even recognize as a stressor that can affect how one deals with their everyday routines.

These are the times when it helps to get an outside perspective.  Someone who is not attached to the situation can help look at that “birds eye view” ~ the one that isn’t full of “shoulds and could haves” or that sense of competition (you know the one I’m talking about, the “oh, well, that’s not so bad, really.  This one time I…”) to help find a fresh outlook and to look from above to see what options there are to get around that obstacle holding back progress, be it a pebble, a mole hill, or a mountain.  This is when I have turned to my own coach to help me regain perspective on the topography of the problem at hand, and usually what I find is an opportunity to change my outlook enough so that I find that one string that frees the entire knot, allowing my creativity to flow again, leaving me empowered to find a solution.

I do hope that leading into this weekend that you all find something to bring you peace and happiness!  Hope where you are the sun shines brightly on you and yours 🙂

Plant Positive, Reap Positivity

Mar10

There are times when we know we will face something that will bring about certain triggers.   It is one of the benefits of time and practice, we wise up to our own patterns of behavior.  Often times we fall into the false belief that we are at the mercy of these habitual responses.  Today I thought I would share a post I first shared as “Harvesting From Your Happy” on the blog Inspiration In the Field on September 1, 2016.  Whether you choose to use the services of a Coach or not, below are some steps that I have taken, that might be of interest, so that you can have a plan in mind for those eventual bumps and bruises we all face.  It seems better to have an emergency plan in your back pocket than to head in unprepared, at least that has become my philosophy.

If you have discovered some healthy coping strategies that you are willing to share, please feel free to comment below.  I would appreciate the feedback, and your input just might help someone else create their own effective plan.

Thank you 🙂

Harvesting From Your Happy

There are some days, some weeks at times, when holding onto your Happiness can be a struggle.  Let’s face it, no matter how idyllic we would like to create the world we live in, there are times when reality just barges through that door, plants itself in the chair and kicks back with its mucky boots on your table.  It’s not that you are frenemies or even enemies, but to steal a line from Mickey Rourke in Barfly you “…seem to feel better when they’re not around.” Not the friendliest of house guests, once settled in and running roughshod over your Happy, Reality refuses all polite attempts to shoo it back out the door.

I have had my ups and downs with that clash between my little world and reality, that fight between what “should be” and what actually “is”.  Some have led me pretty far into received_10154495778800742the darkness, but with the help of counselors, friends, and family I have overcome and learned some valuable lessons that have helped me place breadcrumbs and candles along the path, should I travel there again.

Just like planning for winter or lean times, you can plan ahead for those times when it’s a struggle.  That whole “Reap what you sow” works both ways, so planting good things allows you to harvest them in times of need.    A few things I have learned along the way, things that help me plan for Reality’s visits and create a more hospitable atmosphere for us both are:

  1. We Create Our Own Happiness

I know this sounds cliché, but let that settle in for a minute.  Each and every one of us is responsible for our own happiness!  That is an incredibly powerful thing!!  It means that not only do you have the ability to change your general outlook, BUT THAT NO ONE CAN TAKE IT AWAY!!!  That’s right, think about it.   If you take responsibility for creating your own mood, finding the joy in your day, searching for a silver lining in each shitty situation… YOU OWN YOUR HAPPY.

  1. YOU Get To Choose Your Perspective

It’s a funny thing, when good things happen to you oftentimes you will find that there are the little annoying birds that fly around picking at the big beautiful harvest, trying to steal pieces of your joy in that moment.  I’m sure you have heard something like “don’t jinx it” or “this is great, but…”  And just watch the vultures circle if it isn’t a positive thing.  Remember how I just said YOU own that Happy?  Well, YOU own how you choose to look atreceived_10154514663160742 a situation, too.  Good or bad, YOU control how you react and what you can gain from it.  I spent a long time in abusive relationships where I gave my power away, allowing someone else to control my perception of my accomplishments and stumbling blocks.  When I made a conscious decision to regain that power, I realized I could choose to continue to look through their lens or start to examine MY life thorough my own.  I started to make a concerted effort to find the silver linings in each situation, basically harvesting the seeds of each experience for my Happy garden.  If you can find some tiny positive, even if its “I made it through today and will do so tomorrow”, you are taking power and regaining ownership of the situation.

  1. Stay In The Moment

As a society we tend to live our lives anytime but in the here and now.  Yet the only thing we actually have any control of is NOW.  How we choose to react, to focus on in this very moment, and whether to put that positive spin on it are all within our power. I will admit, this one is probably one of the hardest for me.  Yet the work I have put into changing my focus has helped me deal with my panic attacks more effectively.  Definitely one of the things I harvest frequently.

  1. Celebrate Your Happy

I have filled my walls with pictures of my kids and I, documenting memories of trips and mini adventures where we captured our joy on camera as a reminder of good times.  We have made lake and ocean water jars to bring a piece of our home state to our relocated one.  We have small and silly traditions, both at home and when we travel to keep us in touch with particularly happy memories.  If something made you joyful, celebrate it, joyfully, publicly, and often!  You will find that its infectious when you do!

While this list may not be instantly life changing, these concepts were incredibly helpful once I moved from the nice pasted smile and polite head nod to really examining their worth for my life.  No one will ever have all the answers, but hopefully something here sparked an idea that will help you pursue your own garden to have in times of need.

Happy Planting!

Celebrating When Can’t Becomes Can

Feb13
cheerleader

Sourced from Clker

Today I am celebrating.  It is a cheerleading celebration, the kind where you honor the hard work done by someone else.

What I would really like to do it jump up and down, twirl around in my little happy dance, and clap my hands.  But, not only would that be frowned upon by the object of my pride and adulation, it might even earn me a few not so nice words.  You see, pep talks are ok if solicited, but THIS excitement would cause some huffs, maybe some puffs, and in between eye rolls he might have to actually admit he was enjoying it before trying to blow the house down.

I have been working for over a year with him, on and off, as he feels comfortable.  He is a Veteran, who, in the course of his service to our country overseas was injured.  The lasting effects include Traumatic Brain Injury and Post Traumatic Stress; he was medically discharged and found himself struggling.

When I met him through a mutual friend, he told me repeatedly that he trusted no one, he cared for no one, that nothing ever worked out, and he could not be helped.  “Ok, but I am here if you need me.”  He scoffed, told me he doubted it.

I would check in with him, just to see how he was doing.  He would reply, one word answers at first. Then eventually full replies, even brief conversations.  Then he began to reach out, and I was there.

Turned out that he had these great future plans, he had figured out a pretty in depth map of what he wanted to achieve.  The problem was the gap between the now and then.  Point B had success defined.  Point A, the starting point, included unstable housing and unsteady employment and piling bills.  The steps to take on the path between the two was missing on the map.  For quite a while I heard a lot about how much couldn’t be done, “I can’t do this because…” was a very common sentence in our conversations.

If you have ever been in that sort of situation, and I have, you will know that “Just make the plan” or “Just do it” just doesn’t cut it.  You hear it, you think to yourself that it should be that easy, but you just get stuck.  For some reason you can’t compute, you just spin in circles.  It can be frustrating, stressful, and frightening to see the endpoint and have no idea how to maneuver yourself into position to bring that into fruition.

Together, we began to inventory what was needed for his vision to become reality.  We discussed the skills and resources he has and those he needs to develop; we created priority lists based on what he valued most; we talked about different options to lead to the same outcome.  There were a lot of hard questions presented, and many times when he would not like them, or the mirror he needed to face to answer them I wouldn’t hear back from him for a while. Sometimes he just wanted an easy answer from me.  While I wanted only the best for him, it wasn’t my place to decide.  Only he knew what that was, what that is.

Of all the paths we laid out, today he marched confidently down one.  He chose to attend a trade school, that started today.  Once completed, the school offers Veterans guaranteed employment and the it offers graduates job placement services.  The skills he learns here will provide a comfortable living and will be of use toward his ultimate goal.  And the beautiful part is he chose the trade and researched the schools himself, taking ownership of his success.

So why the celebration today?  Am I proud of this next step in his career?  Abso-freaking-lutely!!  But the absolute best part is when he asked “So after this, what next?”  That shift to possibility thinking, that change in perspective to “I can” is what has me giddy with joy!  Because I know HE CAN!