From my book: “Come Into Your Power
The beginning of my journey. I have, at least since I was four years of age, been a deep thinker. I can remember the day I realized this. I was a four year old playing in the dirt of the back yard. I saw my mom come out to take a photo. I decided at the age of four that I wanted her to capture the “real” me. So I posed for the camera in what I call the thinker pose. I put my hand to my face to show that I was deep in thought.
After college, my mom and I started getting interested in New Age teachings. I have studied this line of thinking ever since. So for forty years now, I have studied New Age thinking. I have studied various thoughts on what motivates people. I sought to discover the inner drive that gets people to act. I sought to understand what makes some people succeed in life and what makes some people seem to be unable to accomplish much of anything.
What makes the difference in people? Why do some people seem to have such a blessed and happy life? Why do others seem to have the opposite experience? This is what I sought to discover. The big question for me was why is life so easy for some and so hard for others?
It isn’t because good things happen to good people. There are millions of good people who just can’t quite get life going in the right direction no matter how hard they try. These people can try and fail more than those who have made a good life for them.
Then I sought to understand why some people can get over hard times easily while others hold on to them for decades.
I had a personal reason for wanting the answers. From the age of sixteen, I had struggled with depression. I grew up as an only child. Well, I do have an older half sister and half brother. We had the same dad from his marriage before he was married to my mom. But, I grew up as an only child. I never had too many friends. I was always socially awkward. I never really knew how to fit in. I always felt invisible. I felt alone. I guess that at sixteen I had some sort of teenager issues that were the triggers for doing depression.
Even in college I struggled. This was a small college. I would guess that there were in the neighborhood of say 2,000 students. I had more friends. I felt I fit in. I felt I belonged. But still, I felt left out. I did not understand why. I loved college. If I had the means, I would have made going to college my career. I wanted to study just about everything. The one thing I did not want to study was computers. I had no idea in 1981-1985 that computers were a big deal. Who knew? My dad did. I should have listened. But in college still I would cry on a regular basis because I was so unhappy in general.
From that time on, I struggled. Life was so hard for me. I went from one crap job to another. I had a string of temporary jobs. It was embarrassing. I had a college degree. I thought I should be a success in my career and my life. The problem was that I never pursued the right things. I worked hard. I thought that was all it took for success. It has only been in the last few years that I finally understood that it takes effective hard work to have success. You have to take the right actions or you will not be successful.
This lack of career made me feel like a failure. I also had that social awkward thing going on. I lacked friends. I lacked a love life. I felt alone. As time went on, nothing changed. I would wonder what was wrong with me? Why can’t I do anything right? I tried more than others. I tried and failed at more things than most people will ever try. So, it was not as if I did not try. I tried and failed then tried again.
It was not a bad attitude. I started to have a bad attitude from failing so many times, but it did not stop me from trying again. I know a lot of people thought I had a negative attitude. If I could read their minds, I think I would hear if only I had a positive attitude things would work out. What they did not understand was that it was not a bad attitude that brought failure, but a bad life experience that brought the bad attitude or a bad mood. I had an incredible positive attitude. I thought I could move mountains. I also had and incredible amount of self confidence. It was this sense of self confidence that caused so much grief in my life. I continued to try to do things I was not able to do.
What I discovered is that people really are not all that different. We all want the same things. It is how we go about filling our necessities of life that is different. There are four basic necessities. We each have a dominate necessity. This is our inner drive. This is what motivates us in everything in our life. When we understand what this is for us, o world of opportunity opens up. When we understand this, we can learn to recognize the patterns of our lives that cause the hurdles of life. As we learn to recognize the pattern of decisions that cause our heart to ache, we can stop making the wrong decisions before we cause a hurdle. We can take a different course of action and save ourselves from those things that bring us grief.
How do we discover what makes us tick? How do we discover our inner drive? We have to turn inward. We have to be honest with what we truly value. What is important to us? What one thing do we want above all else? If you can only have one thing, what would it be?
I understand that discovering the truth abut what you really want can be a scary thought for some people. I think that some people sense that they have to be the “normal” people. We don’t want to be different. If we think that what we want is “negative” we deny it. But really what it is you desire and value most is okay. We all want basically the same things. What you value is just fine. Trust in yourself. Believe in your goodness.
For me, when I discovered the answers for me, it was so exciting. Everything became clear. I applied my discovery to everything in my life. I finally understood my social skills issues. I understood my business or career issues. I understood why I lost at the casino. I understood my battle with weight. I understood why some people treated me like crap. I understood why change was so hard for me. I understood why I had such a hard time letting go of the crap in my life. I used this knowledge to understand other people. I could understand why they were the way they were.
Before I discovered the truth about me, it was like living in the dark. Then, the light came on. As a friend of mine would say, it was like a spitball from God right between the eyes.
I went from feeling hopeless to hopeful. It was pure elation. Things do not happen to us. We make things happen. We create our world. It gave me a sense of being freed from the chains that were holding me back. I became free. The more you experience the incredible new life the more goodness you create.
Now when things happen or even when they don’t I can see the connection between the one action and another. I can see the if…then connection. I can see how one little thing can make so much difference in life. If we overlook something, everything changes. I have noticed miracles. Things I thought were impossible suddenly became possible. As you continue to grow, you will see what direction your life should take for best results. If you are feeling doubtful about this, I understand. I too felt that way. But that changed when I understood what makes my entire life tick.
Having knowledge and understanding however is not enough. As with anything else, it takes practice. I have to practice and reinforce my new way of thinking all the time. From time to time, I have to stop myself and say hey what are you doing? Stop that action right now or you will cause grief to pop into your life. I have to remind myself, to remember the last time I did that and it caused you to feel pain. But understanding what I am doing and being able to prevent issues in my life is better than not understanding and feeling lost and alone.
The world is ever changing. We have to learn to change with it. If we do not change from time to time, we get lost in our past. Life is like a river. It flows. If we go against the current, we struggle. If we go with the current, we float along. We all have ways of doing things that are familiar to us. We have ways of doing things that are a comfortable way because we know what to expect. But holding on to these things keep us from growing and improving. We need to constantly let go of our old ways in order to go forward. As grandma used to say, “We can’t go forward looking in the rear view mirror.”
As my study continued, I saw patterns of thought. I saw the same message everywhere. There were different words, but the ideas were the same. Then I sorted the different words and put them together to form a concise system of understanding the issues that we face and how to resolve them.
As I started my work as a life coach, it quickly became obvious that every problem, and I mean every problem. was solved with this simple yet powerful system. Like any life coach, I want to help everyone. I realized that a book outlining this system would benefit anyone who sought to get past their hurdles. And this is how a book is born.
I hope you find your special answers. Have hope. Have faith. You deserve a better way of life. I know a lot of people read a book thinking maybe it will help. As you read this book, I want you to remember that I struggled with life for many years. I have experienced many of the same feelings that most of you have experienced. You can turn your life around.