Month: June 2025

Seeing other people laughing and enjoying life for most people I would think it would make them happy. Most people would smile and laugh along when others are having a good time.

For me, I get sad. I know that sounds terrible. I should be happy for them. There is a small part of me that is. But mostly I am sad. I am sad because I am left out and I don’t have happy times.

If you are a normal person, you may say so why don’t you go out and have some fun. Because I don’t know how. It may be hard to understand, but I don’t know how to have fun. I don’t know how to have a good time.

What most people do for fun either does not sound like fun to me or it sounds fun but I can’t do it by myself because that would not be fun. For me, even when I do attempt to have fun, I just don’t. I know a lot of people will say I have a bad attitude. Maybe that is a little true. But more it is that I just feel such a lack of energy that I can’t muster up the energy to have fun. It takes a lot for me to get to the point of fun. So I don’t do anything. I really have very little interest in doing things.

Then I sit around and wonder what is wrong with me. Why is it so hard for me to have a fun time? My best guess is that I don’t want to do things alone because most things are not fun alone. And I am alone. I don’t have anyone to do things with me. I think about things that I think would be fun, but it takes effort to do. I really can’t think of anything that I can do alone to have fun.

What do I do to fill the void at least a little? I imagine having fun. I come up with a scenario of something I think would be fun, and then I spend time imagining that I am doing it. I can spend all day on this. I smile. I enjoy my day. I’m not alone for my imaginary people are all a part of this fantasy.

Is that pathetic? Is that weird? Is it unhealthy? I don’t know. It works. It gives me pleasure. Without this, I really don’t know what I would do.

Taking my blog in a new direction.

This is my life as a sensitive soul.

I want people to know what it is like to be so sensitive to the world that you don’t function. I want people to know what it is like to be so alone that you have imaginary friends and family. I want people to know what it is like to have an imaginary life that is so dysfunctional that your imaginary you has an imaginary life. I want people to know what it is like to be always frustrated.

Why would you want to read this? Sounds awful. To understand. To build compassion for another. You are curious. I may be different in some aspects like the imaginary friends. But there are so many people that are in a dysfunctional reality. You would be surprised. They don’t fit in. They have work issues. And maybe, just maybe, you can finally understand someone you never understood before. Once you understand what may be going on, you may be able to help them to function.

Read my blog and find out what it is to always be searching. Find out what it is like to be awkward all the time. Find out to always feel lost. Find out what it is to want to go back to the past or live like you did in the past because the present is so difficult to handle. What is it like to have given up almost all hope. What is it like to be in a constant stress and to never really enjoy anything.

Sure I have my good moments. I smile. I laugh. I even feel good about me. But I live my life hurting and wanting more. I long to be like others. I long to have a life. I long to function.