The four basic necessities
I would like to give a brief background on how I created this system. I started my life coach business in 2016. It was not long until I saw a pattern. It became clear that everyone has the same basic human necessities in life. These necessities are the force for all actions we take in life. Everything we do or don’t do, every issue, every problem, every single struggle comes down to these four needs. I know, it makes life seem so simple. But it is true. Depression, anxiety, fear etc. arise when a necessity is either not being filled or is being filled on a more primal level.
When we know how each of these plays a role in our life, it all becomes clear. When we know what is our prime need we really come alive. We can see how it plays a part in everything we do. We can apply it to every aspect of our lives. We can understand other people in our lives like never before. It is really exciting. For the first time in your life, you will feel you can conquer anything.
Why? Well, when you understand your inner drive, you will learn how to transform from the inside out. You will understand the roots or the causes of your circumstances. From this, you will be able to know what actions will get you from where you are to where you want to be.
I know it sounds too simple. But as you learn more in this simple but powerful system you will open a world of wonderful opportunities.
So let me start by telling you what the four basic necessities are. After this, I will show you how to determine how the four basic needs and their role in your life. Then I will show you how you can use them to understand various common life hurdles.
Let’s get started.
The four basic necessities are ego or sense of self, foundation, newness, and love and rapport. These necessities balance each other. Ego balances love. Foundation balances newness. If you have too much emphasis on one, you are often lacking in the opposite necessity. A well balanced person and life has all of these necessities filled. Not only are they filled but they are filled in a positive manner and are well balanced.
Ego or sense of self: This sometimes sounds like a negative thing. It may sound selfish to some. We are taught to be humble. If we want to feel special, some may think we are not being humble. But this is not what ego is all about. It is self esteem. It is self respect. It is a good self image. It is confidence.
It has to do with feeling good about who we are. It has to do with feeling like a worthy human being. It is that quality about us that makes us feel unique. It is that quality that makes us feel special and different. It is that quality that makes us feel we have a purpose. It is that thing in life that feels we deserve a pat on the back. It is what most of us strive to achieve on some level most of our lives. It is that thing we hope we will look back on and we will smile and nod. It is that thing we hope will stand out when people talk about us after we die. To some it may be the legacy they hope to leave behind.
We find sense of self in quite a variety of ways. Now remember it is not only a significant statement but also a unique statement. It can be found in our career. It can be found in our education, good grades and how smart we are. It can be a talent such as music, sports or dancing skills. It can be entertaining like telling jokes or doing imitations. It can be things done for attention such as yelling or just being loud. It can be the way we wear our hair. It can be our clothing or our jewelry. It can be the way we wear our hair. It can be the things we buy such as the latest electronics, cars or homes. It can be that we drink or do drugs or that we don’t drink or do drugs. It can be being skinny or chubby. It can be expressed as anger or hate. It can be expressed in lying. It can be expressed through sarcasm, making fun of other people or being a bully.
Foundation: This has to do with a good foundation for life. This is on what you build your life. It gives your life reliability. It gives peace of mind. It gives ease of life. This includes control and comfort. You are in charge of your life. You have the foundation to be self sufficient over your life. This is what gives us pleasure and to avoid pain. Having certainty in life is having what we need to survive. This would be to have shelter, clothes and food. It is having at least the bare necessities of life. having certainty is having security. This need varies from person to person. For some it may be simply being able to pay the bills from paycheck to paycheck. For some it may be having the ability to pay the bills and having something set aside for a rainy day. For some it may be having more than you can ever use. This last category includes hoarders.
As a side note, people are not “control freaks”. A better term would be “certainty freaks”. People who are very controlling are in reality seeking to be certain about how a situation turns out. They want every situation to turn out for their best needs. They don’t want to be surprised by any results.
Newness: This is the necessity for variety. This is having adventures. This is what we want so as to not get bored. This is trying novelties. This is what keeps life challenging. It brings surprise. It is what brings diversity. It gives us options. This is especially popular with thrill seekers. It is also strong for people who drink to excess with alcohol. It is also strong for those who use drugs. It makes people wonder things such as how long will this feeling last? How high will I get? What is this doing to my body?
Newness fills our need to eliminate boredom. It is why we pace. It is why we fidget. It is why we surf television channels. It is why we multi-task.
It is important to note that it is the lack of newness that brings on so many marital or even relationship issues. It is the main reason for a spouse or even someone we date to cheat. The person who cheats is bored.
Love and rapport: There are three aspects to love and rapport. These are closeness, warmth, togetherness. It has to do with wanting others to feel what we feel. It is that desire to be understood.
Crying is love and connection with the self. Using alcohol and drugs are used as a means of love and connection. They are used to bring pleasure to your self. This is done by providing a good feeling or by numbing away the pain of the world.
Love and rapport has to do with socializing and your ability to fit in with others. It has to do with being alone or loneliness. It has to do with the desire for solitude. It is expressed through empathy. It is expressed by simply listening.
There you have it. There are the four basic necessities. Now let’s determine how they play a role in your life and determine what your prime or guiding necessity is.