I talked about the trouble I have with fun. I talked about how I don’t know how to have fun. I know that people will say you just need to lighten up. Go out and do something.
The funny thing is that in my entire life I have had very little fun. Sure when I was a child I had fun. that was the first, second and third grades. I had fun in college, but I was still sad. I know that makes no sense.
Most people go to parties and have fun. If I were to be invited to a party, I would more than likely not go. Why? Because I know I would not have fun. The last party I went to was to my half-brother’s birthday party. My family was there. But I was so awkward I wanted to leave pretty much immediately.
I tried to have fun. There was music, and I tried to dance some. But I felt self-conscious. Otherwise I spent time around a fire ring and was very chilly. I did not participate in the conversation. I had nothing to say.
Even as a child I had a tough time at parties. I would go to a birthday party and not want to play party games. I even struggled with my own birthday parties. I remember feeling not at ease and wanting it all to end so I could get back to my normal life.
The funny thing is that no matter how much I don’t like parties and feel so uncomfortable at them I still want to be invited. Well, I do and I don’t. I want people to want me to be at their party. Being asked makes me feel normal. People But at the same time, I don’t want to say no.
So that is my struggle with parties. I like being invited because it makes me feel good. I don’t say yes because I know I won’t like it and will immediately want to go home. This has been a long-term issue. If you know someone who does not like to go to parties or won’t, try to be understanding. It may be a real struggle.