One thing I have in common with my pop is always searching. I am always searching for something. A better way of life. A way to make more money. A way to be at peace.
He was never satisfied and neither am I. He did well in life. He had a good career as a doctor. He had a wife who adored him and would do anything for him. But he still searched.
I, on the other hand, have failed at life. I have not had a career. I have not had any relationship. So I think I am justified in searching.
At this time of my life, I give up I guess. I don’t know how to make a life. I just struggle. It gets harder every day. I’m not even searching anymore. I just struggle. I have tried just about everything I can. I try and fail. I don’t know what to try anymore. People say things will get better. You will see. I have been trying to make life better for 10 years now, and they just get worse.
I surrender.