I personally hate the word “failure” it means that I’ve not met my goal, I’ve fallen short, and I’m just where I was before; or am I? I’d like to start with a story, a few years back when I was living in Colorado Springs. I had the goal to climb the manitou incline two or three times that summer, being home from college. This incline is a 2,000-foot elevation gain in a mile hike; needless to say, it is an intense, challenging, grueling hike… The first time I climbed it, I had no problem. My body had so much energy I was practically jumping up hundreds of railroad-tie steps to get to the top. “That was easy!”, I thought. The second time, I was so winded, and I was less than halfway to the summit. It was a much harder ascent and a demoralizing descent down the Barr trail. I thought to myself,” what happened?!” Why was it so easy the first time and I barely could get up the second time? I think part of it had to do with the fibromyalgia, but also another key part was missing.
At that time, I had started to work overnight shifts at a mental health hospital. These shifts were not consistent though, they changed every week. I’d work Tuesday, Thursday, Saturday one week and then Monday, Wednesday, Saturday the next week. My body was struggling to adjust to the constantly changing sleep schedule. Yet, I thought. “I’m 23!” I should be able to handle this no sweat. Boy was I wrong.
My unrealistic expectations and the inability or unwillingness to accept my reality really set me up for a failure to climb the manitou incline and later that summer a backpacking trip up the Palmer Reservoir Canyon. Both of these hikes could’ve provided beautiful vistas, but the lessons I have learned from those grueling experiences are far more valuable than a view could ever provide. Sometimes accepting reality can be difficult, but if done in the right light can become a huge growth experience and a success
There have been times in my life when I have to choose between two or three different goals and realize that although I’d like to complete all of them. I only have energy for one or two at a time. Even with these goals it’s natural to hit some setbacks, but if I can learn to accept this, then I am more likely to accomplish the goal. I think everyone one of us has come across a setback or two in their lives. Especially, with the pandemic going on and the cold/flu season.
Every time I get a cold or some other type of sickness it feels like I’ve gotten the flu. I’m just wiped mentally, physically, and emotionally. Those of you who have fibromyalgia may relate. Why is this? It’s because those of us with this interesting condition have sensories that are amplified above what a normal human being has to deal with. This can be helpful for us to be more aware of our surroundings, but it also amplifies and enhances the feeling of any inflammation that is going on in our bodies.
When I was training for my 14er last year. I was constantly battling with myself, of is this goal worth it. Every time after an intense cardio session my body would flare up and ache all over. Even though the target muscles were mainly my quadriceps, hamstrings, and my calf’s. Why is it that my body would flare up then? I have a theory that whenever the heart is working too hard and pumping blood throughout the body that our sensories think it’s a warning signal and as a result our adrenaline increases and causes more inflammation. It makes sense to me, but I will find the exact science for all of you. There were times when my stress level was up, my sleep was decreasing, and my energy output was decreasing as well. I kept asking myself was it really worth it?
Well, I can tell you the setbacks that I faced while going after this goal were difficult. However, when I was able to get to the summit of Grays Peak; my first 14,000-foot mountain. I became emotional because of all the hard work, dedication, determination, and grit that it took.
This year, I’m going after a different goal which is to become a certified life coach and a fibromyalgia training advisor, so I can help all of you. I’ve had to make some sacrifices in order to pursue this goal. One such sacrifice is limiting my workout load, so I have the mental energy to make progress on this life coaching dream of mine.
Now, why am I telling all of you this? I want all of you who have this perceivably invisible condition to know that you can pursue your goals and dreams as well if you take it one step at a time, prioritizing what you want, weighing the pros/cons, and being kind to yourself in the process because setbacks will happen. Don’t let them derail you from your goals and dreams.
As I said last time, acceptance is the first step of beginning progress to tackle your fibromyalgia. This is a huge step. To some it may be small, but by being able to look it in the face and say okay I acknowledge you’re here with me for a long time, let’s do something about it. That’s empowering, rather than what’s going on with me? Why do I have this? Why do I have to deal with these symptoms’ day in and day out? This is victimized thinking. Now, if you think you’re the only one that’s had thoughts like this. Guess again, these are all thoughts that have circled throughout my head before.
However, no change can occur, no progress can be made until you recognize what you’re dealing. So, what is Fibromyalgia? The simplified answer is it’s a chronic pain condition that affects the nerves, muscles, and energy level of your body. It is associated with increased amplification of the sensory (touch, smell, sight, etc.) These flare-ups can occur from any situation that heightens stress. Whether it’s moving, loss of a loved one, an argument with a significant other or kids, worrying about things out of your control, etc. Once the fight or flight response is triggered into high gear then all of your symptoms will begin to increase. There is a way to start recognizing these triggers though and I’ll go into that on a different post. For now, though, know that it’s treatable.
Even though there is claimed to be no known cause, but many factors that are in relation to the possibility of having fibromyalgia. I did read a book called, “The Fibromyalgia Solution” by David Dryland. In his book he theorizes that fibromyalgia is caused by a combination of three aspects trauma, an anxiety disorder, and a sleep disorder. These are also the main suspects in exacerbating the symptoms of fibromyalgia. As soon as I read this it started to click in my brain. I had all of these different disorders or challenges and I had to look at them one by one.
So, recognizing what I have and where it’s coming from, helps me to logically look at it as something that can be managed. Something that I can scientifically/systematically work on a little at a time to create positive health results in my life. Rather than it being some nebulous chronic condition that no one really understands and therefore are not able to do anything about.
It’s not an easy road though. I am here to help you climb this mountainous illness either through my blog content or doing personal coaching. If you are interested in being coached, go to my Facebook page at “Summiting Fibromyalgia” so we can set up a free complimentary sample session. All you have to do is either click on the Book now icon or DM me and we can set something up. Let’s get your acceptance and recognition of the problem and turn it into practical steps that will get you feeling better while climbing this mountainous condition.
Looking at mountains such as: Grays or Pikes Peak in Colorado, the Grand Tetons in Wyoming or even Mount Everest in the Himalayas appear daunting to say the least. Often times, I’ll hear myself say, wow that summit is way up there and I’m all the way down here. Maybe that’s why adventurists like myself look at these insurmountable obstacles with admiration and respect. At times though, when starting to climb any of these monumental land features, it can feel overwhelming, an initial shock of pain and self-doubt can sweep over my mind. How did I get over this then to climb Grays Peak back in July of this year….my first 14er? I took it one step, one mental check point, one breath at a time.
When I was diagnosed with fibromyalgia way back in 2012, I wasn’t ready to hear it. That obstacle or mountainous challenge in my life just seemed too overwhelming to acknowledge. I then received the same diagnosis in June of 2019. At that point, I had a choice to make to either live in denial or accept my mountain stare it down and say, “I’m going to climb you! I’m going to figure you out. I will get to this summit of good health.”
What changed in the span of seven years? It was my mindset. Through many therapists, the support of my family and my Savior, Jesus Christ I began to take gradual steps in healing. The first part of any healing process is acceptance of the reality that you’re facing. If you can only get to the point of looking your fibromyalgia in the face this week and say, “Okay, I accept you’re here with me on this journey through life”, then that is a monumental step. Acceptance of the truth of the situation your facing is what spurs on positive change.
With any mountain or challenge in life the first step in conquering it is belief. The mind is so powerful and, in many ways, either propels us forward or holds us back depending on what we tell ourselves and believe. With every challenging hike or mountain that I climb I have to believe that I can accomplish the task. Granted at times it takes multiple moments of reinforcing this belief that I can do it.
In psychology, the term for this is called positive visualization. Say that I have to give a public speech in front of a crowd and I’m pretty nervous. I get up to give the speech and I start stumbling over my words and become more concerned of what people think about me. Chances are the speech is not going to go how I want it to. I’m more reacting than being proactive to the situation. Now the second scenario I begin to play out in my mind how the speech will go, when to emphasize what part of the speech, how the crowd will react, etc. More often times than not, the speech will go a lot smoother. I’ve had similar situations happen to me. If I just take a little time to mentally prepare and visualize the successful outcome, then the likelihood of yielding positive results is higher.
Regardless of what situation you’re in, you have the ability and capability of taking it by the reins and putting yourself in the driver’s seat. Before you do that though, just know that the power of belief can go a long way.
With every hike or mountain that one climbs, the most important part is the preparation. Part of this is physically getting your body adapted, ready for the challenge. That can look like anything from strength training with weights or calisthenics to do cardio such as the elliptical, treadmill, or doing elevation gain hikes. This is a very important regimen. However, just as important are the tools that you bring along to maintain your physical stamina and provide you a safety net. I never go on a hike without water and my Bowie knife. These two items are essential to my success. As well, when hiking a mountain I bring my hiking poles to provide more stability and to take the strain off my knees, as well as, bringing a couple energy bars to help keepmy energy levels going. I bring along other things, but you get the idea.
When dealing with fibromyalgia it is just as important to make sure your body is being addressed. That’s making sure you’re getting a consistent sleep pattern established, finding out and sticking to the specific foods that help to make you feel better, not hurt you or cause more inflammation. Equally important, is working on keeping your stress level down and being kind to yourself by finding an exercise program that works for you. Now, why am I listing all of these things that need to happen, because this is your foundation. What needs to happen consistently to feel better. In future blogs, I’ll go further into what can help you feel better.
However, I wanted to end my post by giving a shout out to the fibromyalgia coaching institute founder Tami Stackelhouse. She has come up with a very helpful tool called the Survival Flare kit. It’s similar to having a little survival kit on a hike. I recently filled mine out and it’s helping me to get through challenging times, like learning to manage my own fibro, while raising three boys under 3 or being away from home for more than a couple of days.
The only way to be your best whether it’s hiking or dealing with fibromyalgia is you have to do some fine tuning or maintenance.
With every mountain that is climbed comes preparation and deciding which mountain to take on. In the meantime, while deciding, life can still be so grand by the people that you have in it and the way you decide to spend your time.
My family is my world. I have three amazing boys that bring so much joy regardless of what type of day I’m having. My wife is the greatest support and help meet that a man could ask for. She is my world to me; I don’t know what I’d do without her. Her dedication, commitment and grace towards our boys and me is relentless. I’m truly a blessed man to have her as my wife.
Even though I’m not at the point where I want to be education wise or career wis, I’m learning to accept the situation and make the best out of it. As I’m deciding which way I want to go in my future, I have spent a lot of time and dedication to my hobbies this past year: fly fishing/tying, playing the cello and bowhunting. I am an outdoorsman and musician. Anytime I can listen to music and be outside is a great day for me. All of these hobbies require precision, preparation, focus, resilience and determination. All the characteristics that I can bring to my daily life. These hobbies are teaching me what type of man I am and is opening up my world to different possibilities.
Whatever you do, be great at it. Enjoy the journey of life, even if it’s not where you want to be just quite yet. Remember that patience, preparation and perseverance win out in the end.
As I alluded to before, fibromyalgia is a condition or disease that I deal with constantly. Just when I think that I have figured out a way to maintain this beast of a complex challenge, a new life event or transition comes up and makes me think that I’ve lost all progress. That all the work I’ve put in the past few months, is worthless. Is this true though? Did I just stumble back down to square one? I believe not. I have a therapist who told me that even though regression occurs at times. It doesn’t mean that you’re starting over. Regression in fact is part of the progress that is necessary for either making course corrections or for reevaluating to make sure this is the path you want to pursue.
When climbing any mountain often times more than not, you’re going to come across what mountaineers call a “false summit”. It’s the top of a hill or peak, but it’s not the destination that you are reaching for. Often times, when I come to such a summit, I experience disappointment because there’s still more work to be done. I haven’t reached my objective or journey’s end. These points in the journey can lead me to think, is it worth it? I’ve already put in so much effort, time, and energy. Do I really want to reach the real summit?
Many of you have probably had similar thoughts with goals in your life. With any concrete goal that we are pursuing the likelihood is, we’re going to come across these times of elation, thinking that we’ve made it; only to realize there is still more work to be done. What is to be done then? Do we settle for what we have achieved, or do we just keep pressing on to the ultimate goal? Personally, I want to persevere through my goals and challenges to be in control of my life and be satisfied with reaching my real summit.
Recently, my brother and his friends climbed one of the 14,000-foot peaks in Colorado named Mt. Humboldt. They began their ascent early in the morning and began the steep climb. They had no idea what they were in for. At about mid-morning they heard this sound of pebbles falling and looked up to see boulders careening down the mountainside toward them. My brother said, “there were some that were even two-stories high.” I don’t know about you, but that sounds downright frightening.
The Outcome
During the event, he rolled both of his ankles. He referred to it as excruciatingly painful. Following the land mass taking a tumble, two of my brothers’ friends decided not to go on, in fear that the hike would continue to challenge them past their limits. My brother and his other friend decided to press on. Knowing that an opportunity to climb a fourteener doesn’t happen every day. My brother said a silent prayer and continued to press on through this arduous climb.
It’s these types of challenges that can either make or break us, so to speak. Sometimes, often it’s the unexpected that can make us think twice of is this goal that I’m pursuing really worth it. At times it really is and at other times, it’s better to retreat and try again only to find a different path.
My Experience
I had one such experience this past year. I’ve struggled with anxiety and depression for a while now. I call it the battle with the black hole. At times I seem to have a pretty good handle on it and at other times it seems to have a handle on me. This past fall it seemed as if everything came crashing down all at once, a metaphorical rockslide occurring in my life. I thought I was on the path to progression. With a good job as a Psych Tech working in a behavioral health unit at a hospital and finishing up my addictionology certificate to be a Licensed Addictions Professional (Substance Abuse Counselor), I presumed I was on the right track. Some days were super challenging, but it was worth it, or so I thought…
The beginning of my Fibromyalgia journey
Earlier last year though, I started developing some distressing symptoms. It was first just my left leg that would go numb when I would go running, then it began to progress upward throughout my body until midway in the year my whole left side was numb. I was really concerned. I found out from a neurologist I have Fibromyalgia.
This to me was the beginning of my mental health rockslide. You know when the pebbles just start to slide down the rocky side a few at a time. I decided to press forward with my plans of doing an internship for my addictionology program. Yet about midway through the 16-week program, my anxiety caused by the concerns of: my health, unresolved trauma from my past, and the fatigue of working almost 50-hour weeks left me depleted of all energy. I wasn’t producing. The dream internship was slipping between my fingers. My mental health, started to tank. I felt so low, worthless and this rockslide brought me to the bottom. The mountain that I had climbed for a few years now was crumbling right before me.
Developing a support system
There I was, in the pit of despair and I stayed there for quite some time. At times I didn’t want to get out. It was easier to stay in this dark abyss of mine, than to try again. Yet, I had support from therapists, my wife and my Savior, Jesus Christ. Slowly, but surely, they helped me to begin the climb again and help to make my way out of the pit and look at another mountain to climb.
Having a support system is so important in this climb of life. My brother and his friend had each other to keep climbing and I have my support system to help me to get back up again and either climb up over this rock or find a different path altogether.
Photo courtesy: San Miguel Sheriff’s Office. A boulder the size of a house was part of a rockslide that destroyed a Colorado highway. (KKTV) By Lindsey Grewe Published: May. 25, 2019 at 11:27 AM MDT
There are times when I’m on top of the mountain, that I feel invincible, unbeatable, on top of the world. What a feeling! Yet, each mountain or climb that I experience in life provides me with a different perspective.
Take this picture for example. On a clear, sunny day you can see perfectly the mountain ranges reflection. Yet, on a cloudy or stormy day, the view that was once so crystal clear is now distorted and fuzzy.
There are instances in my life, where my vision for what I want to do and accomplish is so clear and precise. Yet, there are certain obstacles that get in the way that prevent me from seeing my goal so clearly. That doesn’t mean the goals there anymore, it’s just been shrouded by the storms of life. As I’m learning at time it takes patience waiting for those proverbial clouds to pass on by, while at other times I have to leave the mountain where I once felt so invulnerable and begin another path. This can be scary, but so rewarding.
